Notes from this Episode:
Marriage is the Journey to Perfection
We each had to learn patience temperance humility generosity, kindness, and politeness.
I had to learn to see Michael as God sees him – imperfect yet lovable and full of hope and desire for the good.
St. Josemaria called marriage a “Path to Sanctity”
Marriage is a Call from God
Marriage is a vocation – a call from God. HE gave me this man to be my husband to bring him to God and God to him.
How do I answer that call? How do I show up for my husband. Because the truth is while we’d like to think that marriage is a path to sanctity for our husband, the true answer is that it is a path for our sanctity in the way we show up for our husband – in the way we answer this divine call.
When we gave each other our rings at our wedding, we wrote short vows.
Michael’s included the phrase, “Lay down my life for you.”
Do you lay down your life for your husband? Do we let go of our opinions, our will, or expectations or maybe that husband manual of how he should think, act, and say?
Do you love your husband unconditionally?
We Made the Decision that Divorce was Never an Option
Do you make the decision that divorce was never an option – unless there’s safety involved.
What we think marriage ought to be or should be profoundly influences what our marriage is or can become.
I encourage you to choose what you want and love yourself enough to make the decisions that gives you the life you want.
I can 100% guarantee you that fulfilling your decision of what you want out of marriage is going to take tremendous sacrifice.
Marriage is a marathon. You spend years and years training to cross the finish line.
There are times you want to give up.
There are days you just cry because it’s so hard.
And if you don’t have your end-goal in mind, you will give up.
What is Your End Goal in Marriage?
My end goal was that I wanted a marriage that was based on trust and integrity -where we worked things out without resorting to addictions or distractions to make us feel better.
I wanted to be 59 or 69, or 79 and still married and more in love than when I was 22.
I wanted our relationship to be God-centered and God-dependent because I knew we could humanly not succeed without Him.
I wanted a large happy creative family that knew how to have fun together, stay close as friends, and challenge each other to be better.
I wanted to catch my husband’s eye in public and still feel my heart skip.
Your thoughts about your marriage and your husband will create your results.
Choosing Our Thoughts and Feelings Changes Everything
I wish I had the understanding and mastery of self-coaching and the knowledge of how my thoughts influenced my emotions and my actions.
I wish I knew I could choose different thoughts along the way when arguments came up rather than giving in to emotions like fear, doubt, and loneliness.
You can decide what kind of relationship you want with your husband.
You decide how far and how long you fight to achieve what you want – your end goal.
Don’t give in to the temptation that yours is the only marriage that has sufferings.
All marriages do.
It’s how you think and feel and act on the sufferings that will deepen your relationship or destroy it.
Coaching Can Help You Navigate Marriage
If you need someone to help you work through issues in your marriage, let me know – I can help. Email me at janet@findingjoyimotherhood.com
I want to help you realize your dreams you had when you were first married.
Take a minute or 5 and write down all the things you love about your husband and your marriage.
If today is a difficult day, it may take some time to dig deep in your brain to find those things – but dig deep. They’re there.
And release yourself from your resentments and unmet expectations.
Look at him with the eyes of love and commit to him again your vocation – your call to love and honor him and to bring him to heaven.
It’s really true that sacrifice makes the joy sweeter.
Michael and I appreciate each other more than ever and the changes we have each had to make – the dying to ourselves to bring about the joy we experience now with each other.
I wish that for you.
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