What is a Homemaker and Why it Matters

When I was a young girl, I always wanted to be a wife and mother.  It took me awhile to answer the question, “What is a homemaker, and am I one?” 

Somewhere in the ‘70’s, the word homemaker became a derogatory label. It had the connotation that you had less worth as a woman because you only took care of a house and kids without getting paid. Your husband had the easy ride leaving you every day for a fancy-shmancy job while you were home with curlers in your hair, crumbs all over the floor and mounds of laundry burying you.  And the kids… oh boy, the crying, whining, get-in-your-way kids who if you didn’t have them around, you could actually get the important stuff done in the house!

You weren’t really contributing to society, and you didn’t dare go out and take a class or meet a friend for lunch or there would be another label slapped on you.

The urban dictionary defines homemaker as:

“A person, usually a woman, who cares for her own home and family by cleaning, cooking nutritious meals, doing laundry, running errands, caring for pets, working with a budget, organizing, etc. She is her own boss and enjoys the freedom of creating her own schedule.”

While that definition describes things I do, it doesn’t define who I am as a homemaker. I’m not merely the housekeeper or cleaning lady. I am the maker of my home.

What IS a Homemaker?

I have been a SAHM mom, a homeschooling mom, a work-outside-the-home mom, a teacher, and a business owner with a very successful online business (read: lots of working hours), but in every season of my life I have been a homemaker.

As homemakers, we tap into our unique natural tendencies to create a home environment that is loving, nurturing, supportive, and educational.  As women – even as individually different from each other as we are – we have the same heart, eyes that see needs, and the desire to solve problems and serve that St. Pope John Paul II referred to as the “feminine genius”.

We identify needs and seek to solve problems.
We thrive when we make a sincere gift of self to others.

So, to speak about homemaking as a really long list of tasks, is to miss the point completely of what we do.

We create happy homes, life-giving homes, homes that the children don’t want you to sell when they’ve grown up and moved out.  Why don’t they want you to sell?  It isn’t because of the location or the convenience of the laundry room, or the pictures on the walls.

They don’t want to lose the ambiance, the aura, the smell, mood, and memories of the home.  As adults, we identify what made our home happy (or unhappy for some), and it wasn’t about which day the laundry got done, but it was about an environment that was created for connection, bonding, and deepening relationships.

There are three parts to creating a home that are important.

Our Mindset (Attitude)

What do our children see in what we say, the way we say it, and how we approach the care of the home?

• Do we see that we have the unique ability to set the tone?
  • The phrase, “When Mama’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy” comes to mind. If we are cranky or annoyed, watch how easily the children misbehave and treat each other disrespectfully. They will absorb our spirit (which becomes stressful for them) and display it according to their maturity.
• Do we see homemaking as a privilege to cooperate with God to directly affect the lives of His children? 
• Is homemaking a path to our own holiness through challenging days requiring the mastering of virtues that don’t come naturally to us?
• Do we find joy in serving the others in our home – setting the tone for service to one another in the family and saying no to our own selfishness?
• Are we cheerful, creating a happy, joyful home?

Do We Struggle with Our Attitude?

• Are we annoyed that WE have to do “everything” when, in fact, we haven’t taken the time to teach children how to begin to care for themselves and their home? 
• Have we communicated with our husbands (not complained at them) about tasks that can be shared, or help you may need? 
  • It’s certainly true to say it’s his home as well.  But most men don’t see the needs like women do.  Communicate.  Don’t wait for him to figure it out.  Just kindly ask for the help you need.
• Do our children see a crabby, angry mom who complains about the tasks of the home?
• Do they see a mom who, for whatever reason, doesn’t take care of the home?
  • Are we overwhelmed and therefore frozen in indecision?
  • Have we been taught how to keep a home and set the tone?
  • Do we waste time on the phone, social media, or our own interests and put homemaking last on the priority list of the day?

The Mood of the Home

Here is a list of the important areas that contribute to the mood of the home – places where we, as homemakers, have a profound influence.

• Connection – All humans need to feel loved, respected, connected, and heard.  Do we foster an environment where everyone has those needs met?
• Bonding Experiences – Do we actively seek ways for family members to engage in activities that promote bonding?  It can be as simple as daily family dinner (or breakfast), to scheduled family movie nights or regular family traditions.
• Spiritual Life – Do we work with our husbands to bring the faith alive in our homes?  While it is important for children to learn the truths of their faith, it is critical that they live them so habitually that their relationship with God becomes a part of them.  I used to say that in our home we “breathed” the faith.
• Care of Each Person – Do we make sure that all the physical and emotional needs of each family member is addressed and met beginning with our husbands?  If our children do not see that our husbands are our first priority, they will not learn the lesson of committed, ordered love. 
• Tone of the Home – Our family has always struggled with keeping sarcasm to a minimum.  In speaking with many other women, I find that it is an issue with many families who have lots of type A personalities.  Work hard to keep the tone positive, nurturing, and cheerful.
• Educational – Whether you ‘homeschool’ or not, every home should be a place of learning – teaching, family reading, playing and creating together is fun and makes for lasting memories.  Parents are their children’s first teachers.  Don’t leave that huge gift to schools.  Be engaged and educate your child in all areas of life.
• The Décor – Make sure your home décor is clean, minimal, well maintained, and serves the family – not a source of clutter or stress.

The Cooking and Cleaning of Homemaking

You can see that I put the intangible aspects of homemaking first in this post.  In many ways, they are more important.  Maybe you came from a home or had friends who had homes that were perfectly clean, but cold and stressful with an air of anger, unhappiness, or disrespect.  Or maybe your home wasn’t neat as a pin, but there was happiness and respect in the air. The tone of the home is critical.

On the other hand, it is important to strive to have a clean, well ordered home without the clutter and chaos that stirs up negativity and stress.

• Cleaning – Do we have a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly cleaning schedule set up for our home and do we actually implement it?  Few people jump out of bed saying, “Yippee, I get to clean the bathrooms today!”  But the bathrooms need to be cleaned – they are a small part of the equation to a happy home, and we can’t minimize the importance of a cleaning schedule.
  • A good cleaning schedule will require us to clean about 15-20 minutes a day – if we are relatively consistent – not perfect, just attending to the schedule most days.
• Are we teaching our children to take care of themselves? 
  • Making their bed
  • Picking up their clothes
  • Washing, folding, putting away their clothes – (Visit THIS post and grab my Age-Appropriate Chore Chart HERE)
  • Cleaning up after themselves
• Cooking
  • Do we meal plan each week so we’re not scrambling to prepare something at the last minute, or spend a lot of $$ on take out?
  • Have you learned the art of freezer meals?
  • Do we make family meals a priority in our home?

Homemakers Learn on the Job

What is a homemaker?  It’s a woman who knows her value and worth and sees her role as a mission from God to create a home where everyone feels valued and loved.  She’s a woman who is always learning how to be more effective and loving with greater generosity as she serves her family in her home.  She won’t compare her home to another because she knows that each home will be unique to the homemaker and those who live there.

So, let’s all strive to be good homemakers!  We are indispensable in creating joy-filled, happy homes, and contribute to the building of the Kingdom of God.

With much affection!

Janet

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