Within the last year have I spent some time identifying my fears – actually articulating them – and looking at how my fears hold me back in life. At some point in my adult years, I realized I could rely on God to help me overcome my fears and trust in Him – which is not always easy to do. But I had not really spent the time identifying what my fears were so that I could be a part of the process of overcoming them.
Even those who have an amazing life of faith and relationship with God, suffer from fears. It is the human condition. We were born with original sin, so we have weaknesses that we have to learn to overcome, and we don’t always rely on God as we should. Our fears sneak in and begin to control our lives.
Identifying Our Fears
Sometimes it is just a matter of identifying them – calling them out and recognizing how our behavior is influenced by our fears which helps us overcome them.
Last year, I read a book by Ruth Soukup, “Do It Scared”. In it, she gives a comprehensive summary of common fears, how they hold us back, and ways to overcome those fears. There’s also an assessment you can take HERE to help you identify which fears you struggle with. Many of us have a combination of two or more fears.
Many of you know that I have an online children’s dress business, Embroidered Heirlooms. When I began the business, 14 years ago, my husband wisely warned me that I could not give into my perfectionism. It would drive me crazy and I would never make any money. I agreed and worked carefully to create beautiful gowns in a timely manner. But every time I got to the end of the process for a gown – the buttons and buttonholes – a feeling of dread came over me. I couldn’t explain it until many years later when I realized that the dread was because I was finishing the gown and sending it off. I was irrationally worried about what people would think of the final product.
Can you believe that in over 3000 gowns, I have never had an unhappy customer and yet I still worry? That’s perfectionism! ☹ But I recognize it as a weakness of mine, and work to be free of it.
Here is a list of some common fears. Do you identify with any of them? As you look over the list, do not be tempted to identify the fear and sit in that bad feeling of, “Oh, yeah, that’s me.”
Don’t Let Fears Hold You Back
This is meant to be an opportunity for you to say, “Oh, wow, I didn’t even know that’s why I do what I do! I’m going to recognize that giving in to that fear has limited my life, and I’m going to start doing something about it so that it can no longer define me.” Then make a resolution to take action to reframe your mindset which doesn’t include buying into the fear.
MAKE SURE you look at the positive attributes of the described fear. With character qualities, there are usually positives as well as negatives. As women, we can often identify with the negatives while we dismiss or discount the positives. DON’T DO THAT!
And, don’t be surprised if you identify with more than one fear!
Fear of Not Being Enough
You are a woman who is
- A Hard Worker
- Sensitive
- Humble
- Unpretentious
- Concerned About How Others Feel
Ways Your Fear May Hold You Back
- Do you worry that you aren’t a good enough wife or mother?
- Do you resent others who appear to be a better wife/mom/woman with ease?
- Do you struggle with negative self-talk and a lack of self-confidence?
- Are you insecure about the way you mother?
- Do you struggle with low self-esteem – that you’ll never be enough?
Fear of Making a Mistake
You are a woman who is
- Dependable
- Works Hard
- Holds a High Standard for Herself
- Orderly
- Detail Oriented
Ways Your Fear May Hold You Back
- Do you avoid trying because you’re afraid of making a mistake and failing?
- Do you get angry or depressed when you make mistakes? Do you take it out on others?
- Does “beginning” something feel too difficult?
- Do you avoid doing until you’ve researched the perfect way to do it?
- Do you struggle with completing projects?
Fear of Breaking the Rules
You are a woman who is
- Thoughtful and Considerate to All
- Generous
- Popular and Well-Liked
- Funny
- A Loyal Friend
Ways Your Fear May Hold You Back
- Are your actions controlled by your concern about what people will think of you?
- Do you worry too much about people judging the behavior of your children?
- Are you over committed, thereby neglecting your husband and children?
- Are you afraid to take a firm stand on matters of morals and values for fear people will reject you?
- Is your self-worth dependent on the approval of others?
Fear of Rejection
You are a woman who is
- Extremely Self-Motivated
- A Good Leader
- Persistent
- Willing to Take Risks
- Not Afraid of Making Mistakes
Ways Your Fear May Hold You Back
- Do you push people away emotionally because you’re certain they’re going to reject you?
- Are you afraid of reaching out to make new friends because you think they will not want to be your friend?
- Do you often feel alone and lonely?
- Do you feel you have to prove yourself to people?
- Do you struggle with feeling like you fit in or belong?
Fear of Taking Responsibility
You are a woman who is
- An Excellent Team Player
- Takes Direction Well
- Learns from Mistakes of the Past – Yours and Others
- Very Supportive of Others
- Good Insight into People and Problems
Ways Your Fear May Hold You Back
- Are you afraid of taking responsibility for decisions or actions?
- Do you make excuses for failures rather than finding a solution?
- Do you think that setbacks or failures are always out of your control?
- Do you blame your current situation on what happened in your past?
- Are you afraid of sharing your opinion for fear you’ll have to “put up or shut up”?
Now What??
As you look through this list can you identify areas where you are not living your God-given potential?
What holds you back?
What stops you from accepting and loving yourself?
What prevents you from loving your husband as you want?
Where do you see your limitations in your relationships with your children?
Are your children undisciplined because you’re afraid to commit or you want them to ‘like’ you?
Is your home a mess because you haven’t found the ‘perfect’ schedule yet?
“Pray as though everything depended on God.
Work as though everything depended on you.”
St. Augustine
In Everything, Bring God Into the Equation
Take some time to consider where you have given control of your life over to your fears.
Decide what kind of life you want and find out where it is being blocked through your fear.
Begin to name the fear as you see it manifested in your life and make conscious decisions to take steps to overcome it – calling it out as the limiting thought that it is.
To be a happy woman, a good wife, and mother, you must begin to own your actions and seek ways to make the life-giving decisions that will help you and your family achieve the joyful family you desire. It’s time to take back control of your emotions and decisions. Don’t wait for someone else to rescue you. Stop playing the victim.
Surround Yourself with Loving, Positive People Who Challenge You to Be Your Best
Surround yourself with other women who raise you up, rather than bring you down through their victim “woe is me” mindset.
Find an older woman who can serve as a mentor for you. (I hope you find that here on this blog.)
And commit to a life of prayer. Begin with 10 minutes every day – no exceptions, no excuses. Bring your fears to Our Lord and ask Him to give you the grace and guidance you need to overcome them. He has such great plans for each of us! Surely, He will give us the means to accomplish that mission.
But He never forces Himself on us. We must ask and trust.
With my prayers for your peace-
Janet
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