Encouraging Those Around Us
I think that, as mothers, we are so focused on the tasks that need to get done, that we often neglect the importance of the forming of the people we are entrusted with.
And maybe, again, it’s the urgent that grabs our attention rather than the important. All the things that must be done to get through the day. We don’t stop to do what’s really important.
But well-formed children – children who develop virtues and live them effortlessly don’t learn best by watching us perform tasks.
Yes, it is true that what we do and how we do it is important in setting the example, but you could run a fine home – spotlessly clean, perfectly picked up and be an unpleasant, cold mother.
Our children and our spouse thrive on our approval and encouraging words.
We All Long for Approval
Every human being longs for approval – not in a disordered way of people pleasing to the extreme, but just hearing words of approval for a job well done, as well as for who we are and the gifts and talents we share with the world.
Imagine working for a boss who never said, “Great job”? Maybe you’ve worked for a boss like that. They figure you’re supposed to do a great job so you don’t deserve nor need a compliment.
Is that the kind of mom we want to be? Should Our children or our husband or even our friends just supposed to be a certain way or act a certain way that we neglect thanking them or complimenting them?
That’s not an affirming and encouraging atmosphere in the home.
The saying, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” is certainly true with flies and in the way we treat our husband and children.
Encouraging and correcting with love and patience in our tone, noticing little things that the children or our husband do and complimenting them – taking note or thanking them goes a long way in nurturing self-esteem and in repeat behavior.
The Power of Encouragement with Children
We had some grandchildren overnight last week and the three older ones were sitting on the couch watching “Land Before Time”. My granddaughter was cold, so we gave her a blanket which I suggested she could spread across everyone. She was happy to do it and so I complimented her on her generosity. She beamed.
A few minutes later, the toddler wanted in on the action, so my 7 yr old grandson brought her up onto his lap and gave her his special pillow so she could place her head on it.
Again, a quick smile and wink to him and he beamed knowing he had shown kindness and tenderness to his little sister.
Obviously, their parents are training them to think of the others as they were very natural about all of it.
A critical spirit or lack of encouraging words is just a habit. If you need to give yourself a tangible reminder to compliment or speak words of encouragement, set an alarm on your phone, or find a habit tracker app and see how many times in a day you can encourage and compliment.
I will say that it needs to be authentic – you don’t want to compliment just to make your children feel good and stroke their pride, but rather as a notice of a virtue.
If encouragement or compliments just feed the vanity of the children, that only creates a spoiled, self-centered child.
Compliment on the virtues they’re building.
Encourage them with love when they fail or struggle.
And be the honey to all in your home and experience the power of encouragement!
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