A few years ago, my husband and I decided to do something different for birthdays for our grandchildren. We have 13 (!) and we were beginning to get gift fatigue. Plus, I have never been a big accumulator of toys, so we decided to shake up birthdays. Instead of a physical gift, we decided that when our grandchildren turned 6, the perfect gift would be to take them somewhere instead.
Two years into this idea, I wasn’t sure what our 10 yr old granddaughter thought of this. Would she rather have a gift? With such an emphasis on things and “do you have…” that children experience, I decided to talk to her about it.
Surprised by Her Reaction
So, when we took her on her gift/date last year, I asked if she still liked the gift of “doing something alone with Grandma and Grandpa” or did she prefer getting a gift instead? Without hesitation, she said, “Oh definitely doing something with you and Grandpa”.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Michael and I are loads of fun to be with! But while WE think we’re fun to be with, I wasn’t actually certain our 10 yr old granddaughter thought that! I was thrilled she enjoyed our idea, and to be honest, I was surprised at how emphatic she was that spending time with us, doing something special, was the perfect gift for her.
The Perfect Gift of One-on-One Time
When we’re alone with each grandchild, we have the opportunity (without parents or siblings present) to really talk with them and, more importantly, listen to them. We enjoy catching up on their life and giving them our undivided attention with no interruptions from anyone else. We also have the chance to give them the gift of something their parents might not be able to give them. Just as when we had many young children we didn’t take them on expensive splurges, their parents are in the same boat. This gives us a chance to give them an experience they might not otherwise have.
Here’s What’s Really Important to Them
If you’re reading this in real time, Christmas is just around the corner. Don’t be discouraged now that you’ve probably spent more than you should have on Christmas gifts for the children in your life. I’m certain that if my granddaughter came to our house at Christmas and we didn’t have anything for her to open, she’d be disappointed – there’s something about opening gifts on Christmas that seems right.
But this was a good reminder to me, and maybe to you, that it isn’t the gifts that the kids receive that really touches their heart. It is everything that surrounds the gifts. It’s about your love for them in trying to find something that you know they’ll love, unwrapping a surprise, and of course, joining in the world’s celebration of Jesus’ birth – always a festive, happy time. There’s certainly a time and place for gifts – I love receiving gifts (especially the diamond type)!
But what really touches their heart is you – your attention, your eye contact, the joy of the experience WITH YOU!
Experiences are what our children will remember. The toy or activity is just the vehicle to the experience.
And as our younger grandchildren have seen our date/gifts with the older ones, they now look forward to going somewhere with Grandma Jan and Grandpa. It also gives my husband and me an opportunity to go do things. When you have 7 children, you get into the habit of saying, “No, we can’t afford to do that.” That’s totally fine during the years of raising children, but now we should go and have fun. It’s hard to break the habit! This way, we have a lovely excuse to go enjoy many different activities!
They’ll Remember Their Time With You
When my dad passed away seven years ago, what the children remembered the most were the memories they made with Grandpa – the kite flying contest, going to the baseball game, even working in his garden picking up sticks! They don’t ever speak about the great toy Grandma and Grandpa got them one year for Christmas. And now that he’s gone, what do they long for? Just another moment in his presence.
So, as we wind down this time for Christmas, or if you’re reading this at some other time of the year, put the emphasis on what’s really important in relationships – your interaction, your eye contact, your love, the experience you share. BE with one another. Make memories. Connect through your hearts and thank God for the gift of each other!
Have a great week!
Janet
P.S. Want to add ideas for awesome date/gifts? Drop a comment below!
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