Family traditions are small ways to connect and bond family members, as well as create great memories that really last. When my father passed away 7 years ago, much of what his children and grandchildren remembered and spoke about were the little family traditions he and my mom set for all of us: the kite flying contest, homemade wonton on Christmas Eve, the Easter egg hunt in my grandparents’ garden. All have special memories for each of us – in different ways – but in a way that connect our family members.
I had the privilege of being asked by a woman to recreate a christening gown that was 114 years old. It had originally been made for her grandfather. Three generations had been baptized in that gown. Now, her first granddaughter was ready to be baptized, but the gown could no longer withstand a squirming baby.
The fabric was worn through and shredding in the back where a sweet baby’s bottom would give the fabric a lot of stress. The family had taken care of the gown, but it really could no longer be used.
Although the original gown could no longer be used, a recreation with new fabric and trims was enough for her to continue feeling that close connection to her grandfather.
Family traditions become the outline of our lives
Your children will forget the day to day ups and downs, but they’ll remember cookie baking at Grandma’s! Think of your own life. What family traditions did you have as you were growing up? Remembering them, and hopefully the good memories they bring, keep us connected and bonded to family.
A few ‘rules’ of beginning family traditions
- Don’t wait until the celebration is nearly upon you to think of a tradition that you could incorporate. Spend some time now, before the holidays hit, to think of what you would love to do with your family.
- Look at what talents you have that you can pass on to your children. Could you make their special birthday cake or Christmas dress, or help them create beautiful gifts for grandparents?
- Look to pass on your cultural traditions. At Christmas and Easter I make a couple of Polish treats – pierogis and kolacky cookies. It keeps the traditional bakes from dying out and reminds me of my grandma!
- Be realistic. Don’t have cookie baking with all the kids two days before Christmas – unless, of course, you are totally ready for Christmas by Dec. 1st!
- Don’t force family traditions. What works for some families, just don’t work for others. I thought it would be a great idea to start the family tradition of cooking a month’s worth of freezer meals together. On the big cooking day, I gave everybody tasks – divide and conquer was the theory. But I realized after about 3-4 attempts, that I’m just not good with so many cooks in the kitchen. Some of you may have the temperament that works for lots of bodies, lots of ingredients and pans all over the place, but for me….well, it just took a toll on my happy mood! So that was a tradition that didn’t last.
- Extended family is important, but remember that YOUR FAMILY comes first. Talk with your husband and together decide what you’d like to do with your family that will bring the faith and family closeness alive in your home. Don’t make ‘riding in a car’ from house to house your family’s holiday traditions.
- Don’t have too many. Family traditions are beautiful ways to achieve family closeness. On the flip side, we should be careful that we’re not doing too many traditions that stress us out, stress the children out, and end up making everyone just a little angry with each other.
Where to begin?
- Start with birthdays Remember that it is difficult to undo a tradition once you start it (you totally can, but it’s hard), so keep things simple. Instead of having the whole extended family for dinner on birthdays, just have them for cake and ice cream – or only have them come for special birthdays (1 yr, 8 yr, 13 yr etc.)
- Major holidays Again, discuss with your husband and come up with a plan that works for YOUR family.
- Follow the Liturgical Calendar I am a firm believer that you learn your faith through books and education, but you fall in love with your faith through experience and action. We used the liturgical calendar as the basic outline and added in our own traditions to match what the church was celebrating at the time. It had a two-fold effect; it gave the children a fun, memorable activity that helped them bring that point of faith alive in our home. The Sunday before Thanksgiving is always Christ the King. I made a cake in a bundt pan, then the kids decorated it with frosting and “jewels” of candy and nuts to create a crown looking concoction that reminded them Jesus was king. We had ½ of the cake that Sunday, then froze and saved the other ½ for the third Sunday in Advent, Gaudete Sunday which reminds us that Christ’s coming is very near.
Family traditions aren’t just one more thing to do
Sometimes, moms feel so busy that they are overwhelmed at the idea of “doing another thing”. But take a moment to step back and ask yourself, “What is really important here?”. It is true, there’s a lot to running a home and taking care of children – maybe in addition to working a full or part-time job.
But with most of my children out of the house now, I realize how important our family traditions were to them. Nurturing the children in faith and family bonding is critical to their emotional well-being. When they go out into the world that is so full of challenges and messages that attack the family, our traditions remind them of the fun, warmth, and happy memories they had and are now, in turn, beginning with their own families.
Do you have any traditions you’d like to share? Please share them in the comments below 🙂
Have a great day!
Janet
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