The Emotional Environment of Your Home

There are three very important pillars in creating a home you love and that nurtures and supports all who live there. Setting up a PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT, nurturing a SPIRITUAL ENVIRONMENT and creating an emotional environment in the home – how we treat each other – all contribute to the vibe that is felt by those who live there, as well as to guests who come into our home.  

We want to create a home where everyone feels loved, respected, and valued.  It should be a place where all are listened to and not unjustly judged.  Your home should be a sanctuary from the constant attacks from the world.

Respect

The most important habit you can teach in your home is respect.

• Between spouses
• Children respecting parents
• Parents respecting children
• Respect between siblings

When we respect each other, there is an inherent kindness in the way we treat each other.  We won’t speak badly, we’ll be more patient, and everyone will feel loved and appreciated.

One way to be sure everyone is treated with respect is to remove all inflammatory language from the home.  Eliminate name calling or ignoring each other, and encourage everyone to speak to each other with refinement rather than using ugly words.  (I used to charge $.25 for anyone who said shut up!  They didn’t do it often.)  Respect is so important in the home and family life that you’ll find a more detailed discussion HERE.

Affection

I am often surprised by how many families are not affectionate with each other.  Physical affection strengthens the bonds between everyone.  It seems so easy to kiss and snuggle/cuddle with a baby, but young children, and especially teenagers and young adults need the bond of affection just as much – if not more.  In the early ‘80’s, there was an author and motivational speaker on love and connectedness named Leo Buscaglia who said, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” 

After raising seven children, all with an amazing array of talents and gifts, the thing I can confidently say they needed the most to live the life God was calling them to  (before violin lessons, select sports teams, degrees from the top colleges of the country) was an affectionate family. 

It was through our affection that they felt they belonged, bonded – they had a “tribe” in a world where they didn’t know if their friend yesterday was going to be their friend tomorrow.  We always hugged and kissed hello/goodbye when they went off to anywhere.  When their father left for work in the morning, it was important for them to give a hug/kiss and for their dad to receive it.  When he came home from work (usually a long, hard day) the children were taught to stop what they were doing and run and greet him.  He has said on multiple occasions how much he looked forward to that greeting.  When the world at work kicked him down, he came home to a hero’s welcome.

Friendship

When Michael and I were dating, we spoke about the kind of family we wanted.  A close-knit, faith filled family was our main goal.  We wanted our children to be friends with each, and with us. 

Friendship looks different between parent/child and siblings.  As parents, we can never abdicate our role and try to be peers with our children.  Rather, as friends we relate to each child, individually, keeping in mind their likes/dislikes, and finding unique ways to bond and interact with them.  They still need us to be their mom/dad, but they also need a shoulder to cry on or a friend to listen.  They need someone to encourage their goals and dreams, and someone to be there when they think the world is falling apart around them.  Developing a bond of friendship from the time they are young sets up a trust factor for when they really need a friend – during the teen and early adult years.

Friendships don’t always come easily with siblings.  Our seven children have distinct personality traits, and some of those traits rub others the wrong way.  Our job, as parents, is to help the children see the good, and not brood or complain about the challenges.  We worked hard at helping them work things out and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

Listen with Your Eyes

While I am all for technology, it has definitely changed the family interaction dynamic.  With all the devices and filled schedules that occupy our lives, it is so important to step back and look at how you all interact with each other.  Do people listen to each other, and do you look at each other as you’re speaking?  Do you have firm rules about devices, TV, and video games so that the PEOPLE of the home don’t feel inferior to the DEVICES of the home?   

We live in a loud and distracting world.  So loud and distracting, that people can easily get lost, unheard.  Look at your children and listen to them when they’re speaking and teach them to do the same when you’re speaking.

Pray Together

Live a life of prayer together.  I truly don’t know how to have a happy family without depending on God and being supported by the life of Jesus.  Teach the children about the life and love of Jesus Christ, the saints that have gone before them, and the call that God has for each of them.  As a family, pray together every night.  Help the children to identify what they’re thankful for.  Pray together for people and special intentions.  Teach your children there is someone greater than themselves who loves them more than anyone else.

What Kind of Home do You Want?

Are you happy with the emotional environment of your home?  Speak with you husband, set goals and dreams for how you envision your family life in 10, 20 30 yrs from now.

You can have a reset – whether total reset or just in one area.  Life is about beginning again and again.  If you do decide to change things up and your children are old enough, have a family meeting and announce the restart encouraging everyone to work hard to make new family habits.

Do you have any important habits for emotionally, happy homes?  Drop a comment – I would love to hear from you!

Have a great day!

Janet