How to Make Your Marriage Last

During our first few years of marriage, I remember thinking, “How come no one ever told me it was going to be this hard?”  Both my husband and I made many mistakes.  And as I have found with nearly everyone I know; all marriages are tested – some more than others.  To make your marriage last requires more than just a lovely wedding and some fingers crossed.

As with any skill or talent, nothing starts off perfect – neither does marriage.  We learn how to live together, forgive, communicate, identify needs, and truly learn the art of loving another person. 

The greatest misconception about marriage is that we all know what we’re getting ourselves into!  No one can possibly know the joys and challenges of an endeavor that they are experiencing for the first time.  To say that ‘if it was meant to be’ it won’t be hard is totally false.  It’s hard.  It’s also the most fulfilling, life-changing, life-giving experience I have ever had.  So, after 35 years of marriage, here’s the cheat sheet I wished I’d had on how to have a happy, long marriage.

Tips to Make Your Marriage Last

#1  Give Him Your First and Your Best

Yeah, remember those days when you spent an hour getting ready before he came to pick you up?  Care about how you look.  Make an effort to be beautiful for him and for yourself.  Always remember that his needs come before the children’s, then work together to take care of the kids.

#2  Always Be Honest

Be honest about everything – the money, your worries, the stress you’re feeling, your dreams and hopes – and give him the courage to always be honest with you.

#3  Forgive Without Counting, Move on Without Holding Resentments

He is going to make mistakes – some of them may be very big mistakes.  Forgiving may be difficult – sometimes you may feel like it is impossible.  That’s why there’s #10 below.

#4  Give Him the Benefit of the Doubt

Don’t assume that there’s some big motive or ill intent behind mistakes he’s made.  He just made a mistake.  Let little things go without making a big deal of it.  So, he forgot to take the trash out?  It doesn’t mean, necessarily, that he disrespects you.  He just forgot.

#5  Ask Him What He Needs and Be Kind to Him

We live in a world where we are trained to have our own needs met.  Sometimes we are so focused on ourselves, that we forget our husband also has needs.  Our men are trained to not identify their needs.  So, help your husband by asking him what he needs from you.  Be kind in your thoughts and in what you say.  You can’t ‘unsay’ something – choose your words carefully.

#6  Listen to Him

Generally, women share their thoughts and feelings more easily than men.  When we’re ‘sharing’, we’re not listening.  Ask him what he thinks.  Ask him for his opinion.  Stop and listen to him.

#7  Be Best Friends

Your husband should be your confidant.  He should be the one you share your day with.  He’s entitled to hear your joys and sorrows, and your dreams in life.  Friends are important, but our spouse should be our best friend – the one who knows us the best and the one to whom we are most loyal.  Find more in this post about why it’s wrong to be disloyal to your husband with others.

#8  Physical Touch Every Day – Kiss Him Hello, Goodbye, and In-Between

Remember when you were dating, and you couldn’t have enough affection?  What happens after the wedding that so many completely give up affection?  Human touch is essential in relationships – and I’m not only talking about the bedroom.  Hug each other often.  Kiss each other often.  Hold hands and be tender. 

#9  Commit to the Long Game

If the option for divorce is anywhere in your thoughts or comments, you’ve already opened the door to the possibility.  Divorce ‘seems’ to be an easy option.  It isn’t easy, and it leaves spouses and children devastated.  Work through issues – compromising is necessary in any relationship. It will not always be easy, but it will bring lasting happiness. 

#10  Pray with Him and For Him Each Day

God is the superglue for long marriages.  Pray together each day for each other, your needs, and your family.  ALL the long marriages I know have had God at their center.  It is never too late to bring God into your marriage.  I was not a let’s pray together type of girl when we first got married.  Michael insisted and it has been the BEST thing we have ever done.

Like fine wine, great marriages take a long time to mature.  You will have some bumps and some boulders in the road.  Breathe.  Step back and remember why you wanted to marry in the first place. 

Marriage is a relationship that requires our attention.  We need to nurture each other – be kind, be tender, be forgiving, and pray to make our marriage last.

Anything you think I left out? Please feel free to comment below.

With Affection –

Janet

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