Our days are so busy that we sometimes move from one day to the next without really any consideration of who we are, how WE behave (we’re so focused on how the children behave), and what kind of mother we are. It’s good to stop, think and pray about the woman we are, how we interact with our children, and how we can become a better mom. If you’re like most mamas, there are probably habits or attitudes that need to be tweaked.
You Be You – Not Suzi Q
First thing to always remember is that God gave these children to YOU. If he wanted your kids to have Suzi Q who spends all day playing dress up with her kids, then He would have given them to Suzi Q. But he didn’t. He gave these children to you so don’t try to be Suzi Q!
Think for a moment about what you’re good at. What do you love to do? Then do that. For me, it was to teach. Our children all started school, but when our oldest was going into 4th grade and 3 siblings behind her in the lower grades, I realized God was calling me to homeschool. I loved guiding them through their elementary years while giving them the tools to learn.
I also taught them to sew (which is my passion), even the boys all made their very own stuffed bear! I felt a holy pride when they learned to read or solve an algebraic equation for the first time. I loved opening their minds to great literature – something I wasn’t exposed to growing up. It was the way I was called to spend time with them.
I did not play with the kids during the day. That just wasn’t my thing. If you love to read, then read to them. The creative mom can, paint, draw, or make crafts with her children. If you are a woman who loves to play, then have a daily game with them.
Bring your passions to your motherhood. It will bring a new dimension to the day that you won’t trade for anything!
Need a little ‘pick me up’ on motherhood? Read about the joy you can find in your day…
Don’t Get Down on Yourself
As you evaluate what kind of mother you are, be careful! Don’t let the knowledge that you’re not perfect cloud your vision of all the great things you do.
Also, don’t let the “that’s just who I am” get in the way of challenging yourself to be a better woman, wife, and mom. I used to boldly proclaim, “I’m just not a patient person”. End of discussion. Until God called me to home school, and then I really had to learn to be a patient person. Truth be told, I’m much happier being a more patient person even though it was hard to strengthen that habit.
So, when you look at yourself, your attitudes, and your interactions, look for opportunities to improve.
When we have the humility to acknowledge we aren’t perfect, we have the opportunity for growth.
I always thought that some people were just better, kinder, more thoughtful, had a deeper faith, patient, and more creative etc…than I was.
But they were just working harder to deepen their virtues and gifts. It’s easy to say, “I can’t”. It can be challenging to say, “I’m going to try”.
What Will Our Children Say about Us When we Die?
I know that sounds a little depressing, but seriously, we should consider how our children will remember us. When I asked myself this question many years ago, it caused me to think twice before I got angry about some insignificant thing. Check out a few specific areas to evaluate:
Verbal Interaction
What tone of voice do we use? Are we impatient, demeaning, critical, disrespectful, crabby?
Instead, let’s try to be thoughtful, respectful, patient, tender, supportive, encouraging and quick with positive praise. It’s important to correct, but make sure your corrections are balanced 5:1 positive comments for each correction.
Some days, you’re going to really have to look hard for something positive to say. That’s ok. Your child is depending on you to affirm him even when he has a day where he’s made some not so great choices.
Physical Interaction
Do we show a lot of affection with our children?
Do we give kisses and hugs in the morning, at nap time, bedtime, or whenever you leave the home?
Quick hugs throughout the day, hand holding, snuggling on the couch – physical touch is so important for connection!
There’s such a beautiful emphasis on the power of touch when we have a newborn. It doesn’t just go away as the child grows up. While we aren’t going to swaddle and carry our 5 or 15 (!) year old around with us, they still need the touch of their mom just as much.
Eye Contact
Do we have eye contact with our children or are we so busy managing the house or looking at our phone that we don’t really even look at our children and husband?
Out of 1440 minutes in a day, how often do we really look into their eyes. When babies are born we get a major slap of Dopamine when we hold them and gaze into their eyes.
Children, by nature, are constantly trying to look us in the eyes. They intuitively know they need the connection. We’re just busying ourselves too much to stop and look.
If we added up all the time we spent looking at our phone, how would that compare to the amount of time we’ve looked into our children’s eyes today?
Go into settings on your phone and click screen time – How much time have you spent today looking at your phone?
Do We Spend Time Talking with God?
I have yet to meet a happy, older mother who didn’t have God at her center. Mothering is hard. Do we spend 10 minutes a day (at the minimum) talking it over with God?
Find a quiet place – and don’t use the excuse that you have children and there’s not a quiet place anywhere ever. There is, you just have to find it or go to a chapel for a few minutes. Sit with Our Lord. Ask Him to give you the virtues and gifts you need to be a better mother. Thank Him for your husband and your children and all the ways they brighten your life. It’s a funny thing – we ask God for children, then we forget to thank Him every day for those beautiful children.
We weren’t born knowing how to be a mother. We’ll make mistakes, but as with everything, working on specific areas will help us will fine tune our motherhood.
Make a resolution that each night, you’ll spend just a couple of minutes thinking about the next day and what you’ll do to become a better mom. The more invested you are in nurturing your relationships with your children, the happier you’ll be.
Have a great week!
Janet
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