Create a Home You Love, The Physical Environment

What does it mean to create a home?  We are tempted to answer that question by looking on Pinterest for trending decorating ideas or watching TV shows that showcase the newest and coolest things to do with a house.  But that’s decorating a house.  I’m talking about how to create a home you love.

A home should be a place where each person, from the smallest child to the oldest member, knows they are respected, accepted, and loved for who they are.  Our home should be a shelter from a world that tries to impose values on us that are not our own.  Our home is our oasis.

Whether you live in a small apartment or the house of your dreams, there are three pillars for a happy, nurturing home. The post discusses the physical environment. You can also read about the SPIRITUAL ENVIRONMENT, and the EMOTIONAL ENVIRONMENT.

Create a Physical Environment

Aside from making sure the physical environment is safe, I would also strongly encourage you to make sure your home is conducive to stress-free living, and a place where babies and toddlers aren’t constantly told “no”. 

When I had my first baby, I also had a beautiful shelf of expensive décor items.  Every time my daughter crawled toward the shelf, I firmly said, “no” and moved her away from the intended target.  After (too) many days, it finally dawned on me that she obviously doesn’t understand what she’s doing – except crawling towards something interesting – so I needed to just remove the shelf and store the décor. 

Removing Stress

And just like that, I removed a constant source of stress.  A peaceful coexistence with my baby was much more important than any home décor.  I learned to decorate the home for those who lived there, for what made sense – not to have the latest and greatest accessories. 

Babies and toddlers need room to explore, and if we have too much stuff or if our furniture and accessories are expensive (or white!), we’ll either be frustrated that our children are ruining our beautiful things, or we’ll be constantly telling them no and teaching them to NOT explore, to not be inquisitive – and that is a life-changing mistake for them.  As an elementary teacher I can tell you with certainty no matter what your child’s IQ is, if they aren’t inquisitive and interested in learning more, they will be bored and unhappy in school, and will not live up to their full potential.

Simple but Soothing

Ok, now I don’t want to give you the impression that I had a home that was not decorated beautifully with nice furniture, window treatments, and appropriate accessories.  It is important, when creating a home, to have an environment that brings you peace and comfort.  We do need to create a sense of beauty in our home, just not at the expense of practical living. My walls were always soothing colors – six children in eight years required soothing colors for my day!  I had a limited number of toys that were available for the children and would rotate them out with others that I stored away.  I had baskets for the toys to be kept in when not in use.

Avoid Clutter

It’s so interesting how things change when we grow up.  When I was about eleven, I remember the day my mom came and sat down on my bed and cried.  She was tired of telling me to clean up my room.  She lamented that she must have done something wrong because I always had a chaotic room and she was certain I would grow up to live like a slob.

Fast forward 10 years and nothing could have been further from the truth.  With the home I was creating for our family, I realized early on that clutter created stress and chaos for me.  Also, I realized that my room as a young girl was a disaster because there just wasn’t room for everything! 

Young, poor, and married with children does change things.  I would be praised as a minimalist today, but really, we just didn’t have a lot of money for things.  I found a lot of ‘stuff’ around the house just made for disorder and stress. And now, 30 years later, even though I have the money for extra stuff, I prefer the clean, uncluttered look of my home.

Look at your surroundings and ask yourself:  Do I need this?  BE RUTHLESS!!  We often don’t need much of what we have.  If it is an item you love, store away for later when the children can be taught to respect the nicer things of your home.

Be Vigilant About Human Interaction and Limiting Screen Time

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you’ll probably notice a theme here.  As an older mom (yet not too old to know what’s what) I see the damage that is done in families when the TV is on all the time (or much of the time).  When children are plugged into video games or TV throughout the week, and when children are given phones for texting, playing games, surfing etc. it isolates them. 

Isolation Causes Disrespect

If your children don’t get along with each other, or if they are disrespectful to each other or to you, check to see if disrespect is an issue, or if the lack of faith in the home is a contributing factor.  (You can find thoughts on respect HERE, and the importance of faith HERE.)

Video games and screen time cause isolation. Children don’t have to get along when they’re plugged into something, and then when they are ‘unplugged’ they haven’t had enough practice negotiating human interactions, so they are crabby and fight.  (That’s when some moms tell them to go watch tv….a vicious cycle).  Create a home that has as a goal of authentic, human eye to eye interaction.  Positive, intentional human interaction is critical in developing a happy physical environment.

Keep Order in Your Home

Order makes us happy.  Keeping order comes more naturally for some, but you cannot throw up your hands and say, “I’m just not an organized person.”  Break down your day in your home into manageable parts.  Teach the children a set routine for the day – wake up, clean up, meal/snack times.  Teaching limits and order in the home is critical in helping the children learn to set guardrails and routines for themselves. 

When to Start Delegating Chores

When they are about three years old, you can begin giving them little jobs to do around the house – yes, THREE!!  Three-year olds can obviously pick up their toys, learn to make their bed, sort the laundry whites/colors – it’s actually fun for them! This will nurture their self -esteem and self-confidence as you compliment them on what a great job they did doing a small little task.  As they get older, you can give them more independent tasks – always encouraging, and thanking them as they complete the tasks.  Children don’t magically learn order and routines when they hit a certain age.  We train them as they grow.  If you don’t begin the training when they are very young, it is much harder to begin routines when they are older. 

Don’t Be That Mom…..

And PLEASE, please don’t be the mom who loves her kids “so much” that she does everything for them.  Our jobs, as mothers, is to teach our children to be self-sufficient.  By doing everything for them we are not teaching them to become independent, self-sufficient adults.  In fact, we’re teaching them to be dependent, anxious, and insecure.  Teaching independence begins as soon as they can understand us. Nurturing independent play, getting themselves dressed and undressed, and working with them to clean up toys and books are all ways we begin the process of becoming independent. They may not do the job as well as you can, but they are doing it, learning with your guidance, gaining self-esteem, and self-confidence. 

As with anything, remember the people in your ordered home are more important than the order.  Challenge them with love, be consistent in your goals, then know that sometimes life may get ahead of you – it’s ok.  God gives you the next day to re-order and begin again!

So, as you’re creating your home look first at the physical space.  Make sure it is beautiful, orderly, and centered on human interaction.  Your home is where you will laugh and cry together, and will teach your faith and values.  It is where you will grow your family and watch your children do their “firsts”, and where you may have serious sorrows and disappointments.  Make sure it is a space that will help you create happy and tender memories – a place where all feel connected, secured, and loved.

If you have any tips or questions about how you create a home you’ll love, please feel free to drop them in the comment box.

Have a great day!

Janet